OUR LOVE STORY:1st Day, My Birthday

"Don't Judge the book by it's cover"

      Jan 26, 2008 at 8:00 am: call-time (I believe this is a Friday)

             Being a new employee and since this is the very first company I'll be working with I have to make an impression not only should I be on time but I should also dress appropriately... Being that today is my first day, I choose to be a little edgier than usual. I wore a brown striped pants that go high in the waist , white blouse and black cardigan, and wore some nude heels plus accessories. "well, I look decent enough". I know i wasn't late that day but not the earliest too because my co-workers are already in the office and well acquainted with each other when I got there... We were at least 12 in the group, the whole day was more of orientation and tour around the office, so basically it was an easy day for us. I got to know all of my colleagues and already form a bond with 3 other girls... We came from different walks of life but somehow click, we talk and laugh at our own experiences. 

             One of the things I would admit today, that I have never admitted to anyone is that during our tour around the office, my eyes will look all over the place hoping to set sight of him, YES, the semi-bald headed, tall, thick brows, intense eyes, Moreno skin guy that I saw during the contract signing... unfortunately my mission failed and the day went by with not even a glimpse, I was kinda disappointed however I felt that I knew it from the start that I will not see him again, and besides I am currently in a long term relationship... 

             - Okay let me just explain that I am not the typical type that goes looking for someone else when I already committed, I have always been loyal to my partner however during this period I was even confuse and surprise on my end as to how can this person affect me so much when we didn't even talk at all...and I remember that I was in a relationship that wasn't healthy for myself, I was so in love with this person that my priorities are neglected and I made my whole life revolve around him however my love for him wasn't reciprocated as much as I'd expect, don't get me wrong we had our fun times together as well but things happen even if you try to avoid it and, Eventually my heart and body went into a cold state and I knew that I have to do something or I will lose myself in the process... at that point we were not in good terms, our relationship, even if we don't talk about it is on the rocks and I felt it so much. I don't want to go in so much details on what he has done for me to feel that way but it was just too much and when I told myself that I'm getting tired - that's when I knew I have to look for work, in my mind I was thinking that it could resolve our issues because I will have time for myself and maybe something new is what we need...

               Going back to the main story...

By Jan 28. It's my first day for training! call time: 8pm - 5am which mean I will be celebrating my birthday in the office....since, I want to start my work with some luck and since it my birthday later, I wore a simple red blouse and pants. BTW where i work requires for us to dress business attires hence more slack pants for me...

                 I was excited to see my new found friends and start learning... okay, fine.. I'm a geek/nerd most of time because I really like learning new stuff. Our first week was our ACE training, I don't remember what the acronym stands for but I think it stands for advance communication in English. I'm open for correction here. I went into the office around 7:30pm, we were to be in a specific training room which I had to look for. When i went in I was expecting like 12 people however I was surprise to see a room of I think 20+ people, O.M.G, this were the people I was with during the contract signing... at first I thought I made a mistake however I saw my friends and they quickly wave me over, thank goodness... The minutes went fast and then he came in, Yes HIM!!, I was caught off guard thankfully when my eyes saw him walk in, I immediately look the other way around. One of my friends immediately told me she like him and then that's when I got a good look of him... Yes, Good-looking, nice built, nice features however with the way he acts and finally being able to see him in good light... what was i thinking?!? this guy is one of those type that I don't like: the PLAYBOY type... I was laughing at myself for even thinking about him.. He made a good first impression however seeing him now I knew he's the type I despise.

One more thing about me...

            - I DON'T SMOKE! not that I didn't try. I really tried to learn how to puff right, remember back in school when all your friends are exploring new stuff and your so eager to join in. I felt that I was old enough to start smoking by college, my friends are already hook with it and I felt that I am being too goody goody if I not try at least. Tons of Outings and Parties had past where I will have a stick in my hand silly puffing - "hithit buga" -  at the end I gave up and decided that it's not for me.

             In our line of work most of my colleague during breaks smoke, now since I only have 3 friends and only one of them smoke... She asked us to accompany her while she smoke and since I don't really have anything to do during breaks and I like the company, besides she's fun to talk to.... So, on our first break we went to the smoking area and found us a seat in a corner and started talking... we were in the middle of our conversation when my friend stopped and started smiling - her eyes twinkling. Then, I heard the word "Hi" 


to be continued...........

OUR LOVE STORY: the first look

" LOVE at first sight"

     I met him almost 5 years ago, it was around January 22, 2008 - I remember because it was my first job offer - the day started with nothing special, I was with my then boyfriend at that time when I received the call from the HR associate telling me that they have a job offer for me and that I will need to drop by asap in the office to sign the papers or else they'll offer it to someone else... I was hesitant to accept, I was so confused - in my mind i was juggling with this questions - if I accept this and something comes along can I still grab it? do i really want this? what should I do? -  I guess what i was feeling was normal for someone whose about to step into the real world. I told the guy I can't come in an hour (the time he requested) and then he gave me 4 hours more and told me that he will wait for me until 6pm - take it or leave it? i decided to take it. Not because i was sure of what I was getting myself into but because I was so tired, I  have been a bum for 3 months already and I know I really want to start working and earn money, I want change from my life than just following some guy and waiting for him to notice me, I needed to have something of my own that will stop me from making my world revolve around him when in fact, he didn't deserve it.... ( but this is another story and I have already closed that chapter) 

    Time check: 5:30 pm - just in time! i was dressed so casual because of the short notice I didn't have time to go home and change... I was wearing a bohemian strap blouse, skinny jeans and flats. my hair was down and minimal make up on. 

       I went to the HR office as directed and my name was with the guard so, I just showed my ID and the guard let me in - this company policy doesn't allow dress down but well thanks to this HR guy i was an exception. I was surprise to see that the waiting lounge was filled with people dress smart and formal, chatting and laughing - They know each other! - i was so lost, I don't know anyone and I can't find the HR guy. I find an empty seat, made myself comfortable as possible and just look into my cellphone. have you ever been into a place where you feel you shouldn't be there? that's how i felt. i was so embarrassed with how i look...  after a few minutes around 6:00pm the HR guy ask everyone else except me to come into another area and then he ask me if i was who i am, he was a gent and thank me for coming and apologize for the short notice - i apologize too with the way i look and for asking him to wait for me - he then told me that it was ok because he scheduled my contract signing together with the second batch... everyone was sitting already when i came in, they look at me ( well, almost all of them look at me) i felt being sized up.. well walk straight and sit up straight... i found an empty chair in the front row and seat... 

     We had to wait for a few minutes so I decided to look around, the office has that comfy feel, it was well designed... when i look at the landscape design on my right side that's when I saw him. He wasn't sitting on the chairs, he was talking with his friends and laughing. That's when i first saw him - well, a glimpse of him though, I don't know what happen then but that image stayed on my memory up to today, i guess he struck my attention and that there was this something i just cant explain (maybe i had already had a crush on him? well i don't really know but you know that feeling that you cant just erase? his image stayed with me for the rest of my life) so going back, the contract was explain to us and we had to sign it - thank God for my pen - w/c i always bring, i was really shy so it will be really hard if i had to borrow from anyone... the contracts where signed and everyone left before me. when I submitted my contracts,  I was then told that i had to come in by Jan 26 for my initial briefing, told me when I will start working by the end of the week, everything was so fast that I didn't have time to react and in my mind i thought that the people i was with (the 2nd batch and him) will be working on another dept because they were to start by Jan 28. whilst me it'll be Jan 26... I was kinda disappointed in not being with him or that i was not even able to meet him...  

      On my way home I saw him again and he was with a friend, later i found out his friend's name was denise - denise is sweet he actually waved goodbye to me and told me "see you in the office". i smiled back and i saw HIM looking fiercely (well, not that his mad but not friendly).... when I got home, I just brushed off the feeling and just thought that this day will be the last day I'll see him... but I was wrong. 

******* who knew this will be the day when my whole life will change*********

12.30.12

Its been more than a week now since i last posted.... just been so busy with Christmas, shopping, and work. anyhow here's my week as an overview...

     First, I had a friendship with someone that just got a lot better and closer -- made me look into things differently and made me realize how easy it is to forgive.

    Second, more self control when it comes to my emotions although i always go nuts with my partners annoying habit... lolz...

    Third, I have a cellphone to use for the mean time... yey! feels great to reconnect with old friends...

    Fourth, I met up with High school Barkadas and made me realize how lucky I am to have such friends that I know will always be there and the connection will never be tainted by time or space.

    Fifth, Just so glad that through the year 2012 me and my fiancée are covered with so much work and so busy earning bucks for our savings that i am glad we were able to share a bit of it to families, friends, and to others as well....

    - BTW i forgot to add on my new year resolution is to never miss a check up for my son, go have myself check as well regularly bec. everyone knows health is wealth....

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! lets end the year with a blast.... no work for me! yay!

DEC 17, 2012

Dec 17, 2012

          I started the day with a resolution in mind that I will change. and I will change for the better... I started with my self... hahaha... kakagising ko palang na break ko na kagad - pero it's ok hindi naman ako on-off switch that can change in just a few hours.... anu nangyari??

          I have an appointment by 9am that I was hesitant to attend so, I stayed up playing some games and just watch dvd... i ended up with only 2 hours of sleep when my sister had to wake me up to remind me that someone will pick me up by 9am... eh isa sa mga sakit ko ay ang pagiging so grumpy kapag kulang ang tulog so i do the "old banayad grumpiness - w/c is ang maglakad at magsalita ng tuloy tuloy without a care basta ma express lang ang kabanasan" hahaha... i was reminded by my hubby about it so that when i stopped. hahaha anu ba yan ilan oras pa lang eh ngkamali na ako.,.. so when the van came, i started with smiling and being polite to everyone i meet. after 4 hours pagkauwi ko, i started with being nice with everyone and even though antok na ako and with my little cousins kakulitan i really tried to control myself and just ask them as nice as possible not to be maingay!! hehehe.. i had a good 4 hours of sleep and by 5pm we went to sm where kahit dami tao only positive vibes!! xmas rush can really be hustle pero with teamwork saglit lang at naconquer din namin at least half of what i need to buy... all the kids gifts are done.. yung para na lang sa teammates, few inaanaks at for my parents na lang ang kulang!! so i still have a week... although may pasok i still have 1 day off na sana masingit ko at makabili ako ng xmas gift ko!! hehehehe... any ways overall it was a great day that i was able to spend the day with my son.. btw nun natulog ako ng 4 hrs katabi ko baby ko w/c is already heaven and then when we went to sm, kahit nakakahilo at mabigat i carried him for the most time... 

not everything you want, you can get, nothing is impossible as long as you try your best and never give up... i am still a work in progress... it may take me years before i can remove negativity from my thinking/habit but as long as i keep an open mind and think first before i act i can do anything.... for my son, for my family.... for myself...

new.life.blog.day.2.nhellybelly

MAY 10, 2012

* THIS IS MY SON'S FIRST BIRTHDAY
* This is when XTIAN pop the question. THE PROPOSAL...

infront of everyone. our family and friends....

the shirt was worn by my son. and he gave me this ring....


                    If you know us. If you know Xtian, you know that he was never the sweet boyfriend nor is he the ideal partner. somehow we work.

Letting go...

Today is Dec 17, 2012 - only 4 days before the end of the world (12-21-12) and 8 days before Christmas 2012...

1. Looking at myself.

                     I look at a mirror and saw someone I don't know. This person standing in front of me is a stranger, with dark circles around the eyes, dull skin, dry hair, big tummy and dark aura - is this really me. I smiled but I just saw a girl pretending to be happy. I tried to tuck my burgeoning belly - nope that didn't trick my eyes in seeing what i have let go so much... my own body.  Dressing up is the hardest, nothing looks good at you. What have i done? what will i do....

2. Ms. Pessimist

                      Why do i look at the glass always half empty and not half full... why don't i learn to let go of things  that had happened in the past. I tell myself to start thinking positively, to learn to forgive and forget, learn to move, to take risk and be more adventurous. the year has passed and i didn't grow. i just moved back, stepped back not just one step but maybe even 10. what have i'd become? what will i do....

3. the next year 2013....

     This year have not been that good to me, i have to admit that i have been uncontrollable and that i have always let my emotions get the best of me. what should i do now. should i wait 14 more days before i start doing something.... i dont want to wait anymore... ill start with myself, then my family, then friends and the list will go on....


SORRY to everyone i have hurt. SORRY to the things i have said. SORRY for anything that i might have done that in any way have upset you or disappointed you.

4. MOVING on today and for a better life...

           I still dont know where life will take me, what i really want to see myself in. but today ill start with caring for myself and for everyone. this year is not the best but i have to make it better.

give me a second chance? if i fall dont judge me. if i make it, will you be there to celebrate with me? if i need help can you push me a little so i can reach the finish line...

i have to move on. things that have happen i need to accept it and start with moving on. living each day with no regrets.. i am only young once and may never get the chance again. ill start with de-cluttering my life.


5. For my new life...start each day with a prayer to God and a smile

a. take care of my son and husband.
b. control emotions and think before you speak
c. learn to forgive and always take the higher ground
d. take care of your body and health - life is a gift and there is so many things i still want to do and can only do if i have a strong body.
e. organize and de-clutter stuff, room, things, life, love, friends and family
f.  Start making plans
g. take risk - know what you want and work hard for it
h. study.study.study - - -  learn new skills, go up!!
i. read more!
j. make a list and do it!
k. open self to new things.....
l. be flexible!
m. be someone you want to be and not someone you don't want to be friends with....
n. give more
o. help without expecting anything in return.
p. be sweet and caring
q. listen to music
r. start dancing again....
s. SMILE
t. LOVE
u. learn to cook
v. travel
w. write everyday.
x. always have a clean room!!
y. learn that life can be a party - you just have to make it!
z. BE HAPPY!!
..




Happy holidays everyone... and have a great new year!!

new.life.blog.day.1.nhellybelly

finding myself....

           I was in my room, playing some apps when a thought came into my mind. something that I just have to write about. I know my blog is not famous nor do I have any followers ( I don't really intend to have a follower at all since, literally i am not a writer) but I am doing this for myself, a way to express whatever I have in my mind at the moment I write stuff... I don't proof read my blogs, so most of the time - there could be grammar errors or even redundancy of words... 

I remember back in college (1st year) when one my (now best) friend called me, back then we were not really close nor do we often talk in class. she is one of the people I know who will say what she wants and will not care what others think of her, she has this strong personality that will often intimidate or annoy others. she is just being herself, back then a few of our classmates are annoyed by her antics. i dont really remember the whole reason why they dont like her then. anyway getting back to the phone conversation.. i dont know how it really went then but i think it was like this...\

kai:   uhm nhel, kai  to / nhel: uy kai napatawag ka bakit? / kai: nhel may tanong lang ako sana sayo sana sagutin mo ako ng totoo / nhel: ok, ano ba yun / kai:  may mga naiinis ba sa akin sa room  / nhel: oo meron

and our conversation went on for a several minutes... basically we were getting to know each other more. i only answered her questions as frankly as i can. base on her character, i feel that she is strong enough to know the truth and not be bothered by it - and i am correct. she then said thank you to me at the end for telling her and that she feels relieved since she now knows how people see her.. be then became one of the bestest friends...

at that point she mention that i was the most frank person she has met and she like me for that, for not caring what others will think as long as the people that matters to her life knows who she is and still likes her, someone who just stays true to what she wants/like.... someone who is strong and accepts others for who they are. the list can go on. (thank you kai for the praises)

right now, i look at myself and i am happy with my son. i am happy with working. but a part of me is lost, something within me is making me unhappy from time to time, and i know i have change. i know i am still to find my true self and worth. i am at war with my own mind as i have been going through so many emotional stuff, i guess i dont know who i am right now. i know that i am a mother of my son, a wife to xtian, the daughter to my parents and sister to my siblings. but who i really am as a person is still a question. whatever happen to the girl who just follow what she wants and who doesnt care what others think. i grew up, my priorities change, i feel that i am still me, but something is still missing....