finding myself....

           I was in my room, playing some apps when a thought came into my mind. something that I just have to write about. I know my blog is not famous nor do I have any followers ( I don't really intend to have a follower at all since, literally i am not a writer) but I am doing this for myself, a way to express whatever I have in my mind at the moment I write stuff... I don't proof read my blogs, so most of the time - there could be grammar errors or even redundancy of words... 

I remember back in college (1st year) when one my (now best) friend called me, back then we were not really close nor do we often talk in class. she is one of the people I know who will say what she wants and will not care what others think of her, she has this strong personality that will often intimidate or annoy others. she is just being herself, back then a few of our classmates are annoyed by her antics. i dont really remember the whole reason why they dont like her then. anyway getting back to the phone conversation.. i dont know how it really went then but i think it was like this...\

kai:   uhm nhel, kai  to / nhel: uy kai napatawag ka bakit? / kai: nhel may tanong lang ako sana sayo sana sagutin mo ako ng totoo / nhel: ok, ano ba yun / kai:  may mga naiinis ba sa akin sa room  / nhel: oo meron

and our conversation went on for a several minutes... basically we were getting to know each other more. i only answered her questions as frankly as i can. base on her character, i feel that she is strong enough to know the truth and not be bothered by it - and i am correct. she then said thank you to me at the end for telling her and that she feels relieved since she now knows how people see her.. be then became one of the bestest friends...

at that point she mention that i was the most frank person she has met and she like me for that, for not caring what others will think as long as the people that matters to her life knows who she is and still likes her, someone who just stays true to what she wants/like.... someone who is strong and accepts others for who they are. the list can go on. (thank you kai for the praises)

right now, i look at myself and i am happy with my son. i am happy with working. but a part of me is lost, something within me is making me unhappy from time to time, and i know i have change. i know i am still to find my true self and worth. i am at war with my own mind as i have been going through so many emotional stuff, i guess i dont know who i am right now. i know that i am a mother of my son, a wife to xtian, the daughter to my parents and sister to my siblings. but who i really am as a person is still a question. whatever happen to the girl who just follow what she wants and who doesnt care what others think. i grew up, my priorities change, i feel that i am still me, but something is still missing....